Rich Ferguson


Maybe I should count sheep. Maybe get out of bed, go for a walk.
Maybe I should do laundry. Wash the dishes, clean the toilet.
Maybe get on the computer: Google search fun facts about the human body, or whether or not midgets have night vision.
Maybe figure out how to get rich quick. Or how to correctly balance my checkbook.  Or get my chakras balanced.
Maybe I should count more sheep. Pop an Advil PM.
Or maybe just yell for my downstairs neighbor to turn down his damn stereo so I can finally get some sleep!
Maybe I should sort my junk drawer. Lint roll all my black clothes.
Maybe learn more about politics, world religions, threatened indigenous cultures.
Maybe go shoplifting at an all-night Ralphs. Then return everything I steal.
Maybe go back to school, get a Masters. Or learn to be the master of my destiny.
Maybe take my filthy car to an all-night self-service carwash.
Or maybe just hop in my dirty car, run over my downstairs neighbor’s stereo so I can finally get some sleep!
Maybe I should figure out how to end wars and world hunger.
Maybe learn why asparagus makes my pee smell weird. Or why orange juice and other things taste weird after brushing my teeth.
Maybe clean and polish my shoes. Or buy a new pair: ones that are both fashionable and functional.
Maybe figure out why my family is so dysfunctional.
Maybe I should get outdoors more. Try kayaking, tobogganing, or hammer throwing.
Or maybe just throw a hammer through my downstairs neighbor’s window so I can finally get some sleep!
Maybe I should drive the Autobahn. Experience weightlessness.
Maybe learn a new language, visit more art galleries, perform more community service work.
Maybe grow an herb garden. Get a tattoo or body piercing.
Maybe figure out why humans do things like fart, blink, blush, hiccup, or straight up lie.
Maybe get in touch with my dark side. Become best friends with a mortician or serial killer.
Or maybe just hire a serial killer to eliminate my downstairs neighbor, and his stereo so I can finally get some sleep!
Maybe I should stop saying Yes when I really mean No.
Or rehearsing arguments in my head I never end up having.
Maybe I should try something that scares me daily. Or maybe start with something safe: collect stamps, tea towels, Beanie Babies.
Maybe it’s finally time I accept the idea of having a family and baby.
Maybe I should write my will. Finally write the great American novel.
Maybe alphabetize my books by authors, titles, better yet, by ideas.
Maybe I should finally read House of Leaves, Ulysses or The Art of War.
After that: go to war with my downstairs neighbor!

Rich Ferguson has shared the stage with Patti Smith, Wanda Coleman, Moby, and other esteemed poets and musicians. He has performed at the NYC Fringe Festival, the Bowery Poetry Club, and is a featured performer in the film What About Me? (featuring Michael Stipe, Michael Franti, Krishna Das, and others). He has been published in the LA TIMES, The Rumpus, and Sensitive Skin. Ferguson is a Pushcart-nominated poet, and a poetry editor to The Nervous Breakdown. His debut novel, New Jersey Me, has been published by Rare Bird Books / Barnacle Books.

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